Don't Go
by LoveIsles
Summary: We all have our own version of how we want the series to end (or not at all). This is just mine. Complete
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Go**

 **We've all got our own version of how this should end. This is mine.**

They were sitting on the bench outside the Dirty Robber, relaxing, trying to find the words they needed to move past the pain that had suddenly surfaced.

"Don't go."

"Maura, I have already accepted. I need something different in my life. I think my mother is right. I can't keep doing what I'm doing forever. I'm getting older. I have to do something safer. What kind of a life do I have? I'm alone, I'm childless, there is no one even in the foreseeable future that I will have in my life. I'm getting tired, Maur. I have to stop."

Maura found that she couldn't speak. The impact had finally hit her. She was going to lose Jane – forever. She was going to lose her best friend, her confidant, her protector, the love of her life. The love of her life who she had never told was the love of her life. And suddenly, the lump in her throat was too much.

She took a deep breath knowing that if she didn't make a move her tears would start. She was afraid if she started to cry, she would not be able to control the release of 7 years of emotion.

"Are you ok?" Jane leaned toward her friend and put her arm on the back of the bench. "Maur. It's going to be okay. We'll stay in touch. We'll call, we'll talk. It's going to be okay."

"No, Jane, it's not – it's not going to be okay." Maura pulled away and stood up to leave. Jane rushed to stop her and grabbing her by the arm, spun her around.

"Why is it, Jane, that I seem to be so distraught, and you seem to be able to just walk away? We have been in each other's lives for 7 years. You have saved me. I have saved you. We've flirted over drinks, held each other during the worst times of our lives. I'm staying, and you're leaving, and I'm a mess and you're acting like it's just a ho hum, changing my life, leaving you and my family and moving to Quantico kind of decision."

With every sentence, Maura's voice rose, and her fists clenched. Jane backed up. She knew the signs of Maura's anger.

"Why are you getting angry?"

"How can you just leave me?"

"I'm not 'just leaving you'. Of course this hurts. Of course this is hard. I am holding in my emotions because I am trying to make it easier on you."

Maura's reaction was a full-throated scream of frustration.

"You are so oblivious. How can you not see this?"

'See what", was Jane's response.

Maura took two steps forward, and before Jane could react, she grabbed her by the lapels and kissed her hard on the mouth.

While Jane was still in shock, Maura had pulled away and had run to her car.

 **There will be one or two more chapters. Love these characters, love this community, love you guys.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't Go**

 **We've all got our own version of how this should end. This is mine. It's a fluff piece. Just something I need to get out as I get through the last episodes.**

 **Chapter 2**

 **JANE**

Jane stood paralyzed, dumbfounded, and shocked. What had just happened? She stumbled back to the bench and leaned forward, head in her hands.

All those years of loving Maura, years of watching the beautiful M.E. fall in love with one sociopath after another, and now this. She couldn't remember when it had started – the lingering looks, the hugs, the touching, the seeing each other almost every night after work. But she remembered the night it had become real for her. The night it had shifted - the night they had gone undercover at the Merch.

Like a movie playing in front of her, she could see Maura, tray in hand, turn to her as she walked into the bar. When it actually happened, it was as though it was happening in slow motion; and all she could think was, _Oh, my God, she is absolutely breathtaking_. And at that moment, everything changed.

Something snapped, clicked, transformed. She wanted to wrap her arms around this beautiful woman. And, by the end of the night, she had started to imagine what it might be like to kiss, to hold, to touch, to be intimate with her best friend. It was really unnerving.

It was then that the self-analysis kicked in. It wasn't traumatic or hard. She knew what she was feeling was something familiar, not including the intensity the level of which she had never felt before. This was not how she had felt about any guy she had ever dated. She had re-visited the lesbian bar after that and had dated a few of the women she'd met there. But nothing really felt right. Nothing could compare to the total relationship that was Jane and Maura.

She didn't act on it – she acted as though nothing had changed. She dated men, and she watched Maura pursued by her brothers and other men – disgusted and hurt.

But the day she gave up was the day the M.E. had confessed her love for Jack. Jack was the proverbial straw. She reconciled herself to the fact that it would never happen. She had given up, and now she had to move on. It was time to leave.

The kiss changed everything.

 **MAURA**

She had driven home in a fog, a haze of tears, frustration and anger. She opened the front door and threw her purse across the room. After kicking off her shoes she made her way to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine.

Had she just ruined everything? Would Jane run faster, would it ruin the friendship they did have?

Her feelings about Jane had only gotten stronger after Jack left for Arizona. She considered leaving, but something stopped her. That something was the realization that her relationship with Jack paled when held up to her relationship with Jane. She would not have left Jane for a man. And yet Jane had almost left her for Casey and was leaving now for…. for what? The idea that Jane was going to leave had triggered something in her emotional body.

For once; her brain was not engaged. She found herself waking up in tears, falling asleep in tears. Maura, for whom this was not normal, nor comfortable, was finding herself almost hysterical at the thought that she was going to live her life without this woman who had become a part of her.

When she kissed the stubborn and reluctant detective, she surprised even herself. But having done it, everything became clear. Maura wanted all of it, all of Jane. She wanted to kiss and be kissed back, she wanted a physical relationship, she wanted an emotional relationship. She wanted to be engulfed by Jane, to be merged with her.

Had she ruined it?

 **Sorry about the mistakes, I'm sure there are some. I will update soon, maybe even today.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Don't Go**

 **Chapter 3**

 **We've all got our own version of how this should end. This is mine. It's a fluff piece. Just something I need to get out as I get through the last episodes.**

 **JANE**

The BPD BRIC was buzzing the next morning as Jane entered, coffee in hand and went straight to her desk. Both Korsak and Frankie noticed she looked like she hadn't slept. Hair disheveled, jacket wrinkled, she looked a mess. The look between them shared the unspoken words, "You ask, no, you". Korsak took the lead.

"Jane, are you okay"?

"Yeah, just a little tired – trouble sleeping".

"Do you want to talk about it"?

"Um, I'm not sure. Just give me a little time".

"Okay, tell me when. I'm here when you need me".

Jane continued to push papers around on her desk trying to appear as though she was getting caught up. It was obvious to anyone who knew her, nothing was really being accomplished.

 **MAURA**

The disheveled M.E. had finished a bottle of wine, taken two ibuprophen and had gone to bed. But, around 3AM she woke up and had gone back down to the living room where she sat staring at nothing trying to figure out what she was going to do, if anything.

 _Maybe, I should just pack and go somewhere for a few weeks until Jane is gone_ , she thought. _I can't bear to see her leave._

At 6AM, unable to get any rest, she decided to shower, dress and drive to the office. She couldn't remember ever having spent a more miserable night.

Downstairs in the morgue, Maura had come in the backdoor trying to avoid Kent and the others on her staff. She went directly to her office, closed the doors and shut the blinds. Her eyes were red from the crying she'd done most of the night.

Someone knocked, and she stood to walk the short distance to unlock the door.

It was Korsak.

"Sergeant Korsak, please, come in".

"Maura, my God, you look as bad as Jane. What in the world happened between you two yesterday?"

Before she could answer, she burst into tears and the senior detective folded her into his arms where she began sobbing. Holding her, he rubbed her back and waited for her to compose herself.

Between sobs, she whispered, "I kissed her. I'm in love with her, Vince. I can't let her go. I can't let her leave."

"Have you told her?"

"No, I was screaming at her, and then I kissed her."

"What did she do", he asked.

"She did what Jane does, nothing. In all fairness, I think she was taken by surprise – caught off guard. I kissed her, then I turned and left."

"Maura, when did things change between you?"

"I've never told her how I feel. I don't know if I've ever really known how I feel until I realized she was actually leaving. And now it's too late."

'It's never too late, Maura."

"She's accepted the job. If she stays here, what will she do? And that's not even the point, Vince. I want to be in a total relationship with her. Can she make that decision? Does she love me the way I love her? Is she in love with me?"

Now she was pacing and asking these questions.

"I don't know, Maura, but you are never going to know if you two can't have the conversation."

"I'm afraid to have the conversation. If she says, 'Maura, we're great friends and that's all we are, and I need to go. Vince, I don't know if I will be able to handle it."

Taking her by her shoulders and looking in her eyes, Korsak started, "Maura, if you don't have this conversation, she will definitely leave, and then what do you have? No one can do this but the two of you. I can't run interference for you. She either feels the same way you do, or she does not."

"I know, Vince, you're right. I just don't know whether I have the courage to do this."

"You're a brilliant and courageous woman, Maura. You can do this."

Sitting down in her chair, Maura hesitated then finally responded, "Ok, I just need to get myself together and figure out when to do this and how."

"I'm going back upstairs. I certainly won't say anything to Jane."

"Vince, thank you so much."

"Not a problem, Maura."

Vince took the elevator back to his floor and was surprised when he walked into the detective's area.

Jane was gone.

 **Update coming soon. Thanks for the reviews.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't Go**

 **Chapter 4**

 **We've all got our own version of how this should end. This is mine. It's a fluff piece. Just something I need to get out as I get through the last episodes.**

 **I made up the FBI agent's name because I couldn't remember it, sorry. Finally a longer chapter.**

 **JANE**

Her ability to concentrate was non-existent. To make matters worse, while sitting at her desk, she was notified that she had a visitor at BPD's front door. Shocked and confused, she walked down to the entrance check-in station to find the FBI agent who had set her up with her class and later asked her to dinner. There stood Agent Black.

She was not in the mood.

Agent Black looked happy to see her and explained that he was in Boston to see family and thought he would come to BPD to personally congratulate her on her new appointment and perhaps, take her to dinner.

Not wanting to be rude, Jane invited him to go with her to the café and have coffee so they could talk. There was something a little too presumptuous about him showing up here – or maybe it was just her current emotional state.

"So, Jane, when are you scheduled to come to Quantico."

"I asked for three weeks. I have some work to finish here, and, of course, there's packing and, well, just preparing, I guess."

"Excuse me for saying this, Jane, but you seem different from the last time I saw you."

"Really, how so?"

"You seem a little down, or maybe it's that you seem tired."

"Well, I'm actually exhausted. We've had some really intense cases lately, and honestly, this change has caused some emotional turmoil with my family. So, yeah, I'm tired."

"Is there any chance we could have dinner before I leave?"

Jane hesitated, deciding how she would respond.

"Look, Tom, I enjoyed the time we spent working on the class together, and no one could have been nicer to a teaching substitute than you were. But I would like you to understand that any fraternizing between the two of us is not going to happen. I don't think it's a good way to start my new career and quite honestly, I'm not is a great place right now – just too many changes – too many things to finalize here before I leave. I do appreciate the invitation, though, and I look forward to working with you. And, I really hope you can understand that I need to get back to work."

"Absolutely, Jane, I'm sorry for just dropping in on you, and I promise you, I've heard what you just said and I will be completely professional when you get to Quantico."

"Thanks Tom." She said sincerely. He really was a nice guy, she thought, just not now, not with her. "I'm sure we'll be great friends and good teaching partners. Let me show you out."

"No, no, Jane, it's ok really. I can find my way from here. You go back to work and I'll see you in a few weeks."

She shook his hand and was about to return to her desk when she heard Angela call her name.

"This is exactly what I need right now", she mumbled quietly.

'Janie, who was that good-looking man"?

"He's the FBI agent I'm going to work with at the FBI training center."

'Oh, how nice that he stopped in. And so good-looking."

"Ma, don't. I am not in the mood today."

"Why, honey, what's wrong.?"

"Just about everything, and I'm on my way back to work, so why don't we talk later."

"Jeez, Jane."

"Sorry, Ma, I'm just really tired and I've got a lot on my mind."

"Ok, honey, let me know if you want to come over for dinner and we can talk."

'Ok, bye Ma", she said as she kissed her and walked toward the elevator.

Pushing the elevator button multiple times, agitated that it was taking so long, she was stepping in before the doors had fully opened when she bumped into someone.

"Maura"

"Jane"

Jane turned as if to walk back out into the hallway.

"No, wait, Jane. Please don't leave. Can we go somewhere to talk?"

"I don't know, Maur. I don't know if I can do this right now."

"Do what?"

"Have this conversation. I don't know if I'm ready. I'm exhausted. I'm confused. I'm…honestly, I don't know what I am."

"Then when – when can we have this conversation? Because if you think this is easy for me, you are very wrong. I don't know if I can maintain this level of courage if we wait. And, there are things I really need to say."

Jane dropped her head and took a deep breath. "Okay then. Just let me go upstairs and tell the guys I'm leaving and I'll meet you in the garage."

"Fine, I'll see you in a few minutes."

Jane took the elevator and Maura walked down to the garage wringing her hands, nervous and scared about what might happen.

She promised herself that no matter what, she would not fall apart, she would not cry, she would not get angry – no matter what. But in her heart, she couldn't imagine how she planned on handling rejection if that's how this ended.

Waiting for Jane, she tried to rehearse what and how she would tell her the things she had to say. She knew that those ideas were shaky at best. She had no idea what would really come out of her mouth.

Finally, when the elevator doors opened and the detective walked out, Maura thought she might faint. This conversation was about how she would spend the rest of her life, and she did not know what was going to happen.

Jane was first to speak. "Where do you think we should go?"

"Well, Tommy and TJ are at your apartment and your mother is due to come home in the next hour. I think those are both out."

"Any ideas?"

"Don't get upset about this, Jane. But knowing our choices would be limited, I got us a suite at the Omni. It will be quiet and private and if we feel like eating later, they have great food. What do you say?"

"Sounds great."

Thirty minutes later they were checked in and on their way to the suite. After Maura opened the door both nervous women made their way to the bar in the room, Jane reaching for a beer, and Maura opening a bottle of wine. The tension was palatable as Jane sat on one of the bar stools and the M.E. came around to place her glass next to Jane's.

Jane began. "Maura, if you've asked me here so you could tell me that you kissed me because you are upset about losing your best friend, and acted out of some kind of panic, then his conversation will be short."

Maura let out the breath she'd been holding.

"No, Jane, that's not why we're here, and that's not what I have to say. I would appreciate it if you'd let me get out everything I have to say before you react."

Jane reached over to her beer and took and long draw. "Ok, shoot". 

Maura began. "When I got here 7 years ago, you were the first person to reach out to me, something that hadn't happened in my professional or personal life in a long time, if ever. Over the years we've shared so much. You're closer to me than anyone has ever been."

She hesitated, trying to gather her courage, trying not to cry.

"I think you see me as someone who dates men because I'm desperately trying to find a partner with whom to share my life. Obviously, none of those attempts have been successful. Having you announce that you're leaving has helped me realize why those relationships have not worked out."

Now tears threatened, and she paused.

"Jane, I have compared every relationship I've had to the relationship I have with you, and they always come up short. I don't know when things actually shifted for me, but I know now that it's you I'm in love with. It's you I want to be with – to spend the rest of my life with. I've tried to rationalize this away, I've tried to put it in a 'friendship' box, but when you said you were leaving, my whole body went into some kind of panic. I don't just love you, Jane. I am absolutely and totally in love with you."

Having said all she felt, Maura could now let her tears fall. It was out there and this was the moment of truth.

It was not what Jane had expected to hear. She realized that what she said or did next would affect both of their lives. So, she took a really deep breath, reached out and pulled the beautiful woman into her arms.

"Maura, I have been in love with you for years. I've watched you date the men in your life thinking you could never love me. I finally gave up and that was certainly a big part of why I decided to move – to start over."

Maura looked up at her thinking, _Ok, so what does this mean?_

Jane continued, "I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. If you are telling me that we can have a total relationship, that we can really try to be a couple, then I will not leave. I will stay, figure out what I'm going to do with my career and we can be together."

Maura put her arms around Jane's neck. "Oh, Jane, I love you so much, I want us to have a life together."

Jane leaned in slowly and when their lips met, she knew this was the best decision she'd ever made. No more running, no more pretending, just an honest, complete commitment to their future together.

Neither of them could have been happier.

 **Hope you enjoyed this. Reviews are welcome. I have also posted my thinking about the series and its ending in the next chapter.**


	5. Author's Notes

Author Notes

I am not someone who confuses fiction and real life. I know this is a TV show. Just like I know and appreciate that these two beautiful women actors are straight and have beautiful families.

The writers for the first few seasons may have been gay baiting, but honestly I didn't care. I suffered through the men in their lives hoping they'd go away, and they did. The chemistry between the two women was so powerful and so natural that their affairs with men looked fake – acted. That chemistry showed up in the interviews they did together, the photo shoots, the TV appearances. It was powerful and it was real – they loved and enjoyed each other. We did not make that up.

The change was sudden, dramatic and cold. They avoided touching, hugging, staring. Someone, something had thrown a bucket of ice water on them. If it was something that happened between them personally, then it is really none of our business – it was personal. If it was the network or the writers, it was a crime of its own.

They meant for us to fall in love with them and we did.

The really heart-breaking moment for me was watching the video of the cast and crew party after filming the last episode. Angie was standing off to the side surrounded by her girls. Sasha was standing near Lorraine but stepped out like she was looking for Angie. Odd that they were not standing together. Odd there were no pictures of them together in casual cast shots over the last few years. Just odd, and very, very sad.

I enjoyed the show more for their interaction with each other and their acting than for the plots which were interesting and complex in the beginning and simple and inconsistent in the end. Characters disappeared, pets disappeared Suzi was killed off. And of course we were all so touched by the death of Lee Thompson Young – such a tragedy and we loved him.

The actresses did a great job. The writers – not so much. On this site we understand and appreciate how hard that can be. But, we're not professionals and they are. When I think about what Shonda does in the same amount of time, I'm blown away by the difference in writing and plot development. Imagine what she might have done with these characters.

So, I guess we can keep them alive by continuing to write and read until we just lose interest and stop.

Thanks to Angie and Sasha. You have no idea how much we have come to root for your continued success and happiness.


End file.
